Eggless Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

I promised myself when I started this blog that I would NEVER make y’all read through my nonsense in order to get to a recipe. I am going to keep that promise BUT I want you to know that I have a whole “my mom is great and this is why I didn’t use eggs” thing after the recipe. Feel free to read that too.

This recipe makes 24 kinda big cookies

Ingredients

1 cup butter (two sticks), softened – vegan butter will work too!

1 cup white sugar

1 cup packed brown sugar

1 cup unsweetened apple sauce*

2 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon – or more. Measure with your heart here.

3 cups quick cooking oats

12 oz chocolate chips**

Directions

In a big ass bowl mix together butter and both sugars. Add the apple sauce, mix until smooth and kinda gross looking.

In a separate – also decently sized – bowl combine flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Use a handheld mesh sifter/strainer thing to add the baking soda if you want to avoid having lumps of it in the mixture.

Stir the dry mix into the wet batter. Add the oats and chocolate chips. Mix well. Cover and let sit in the fridge or a cool place for at least an hour***

Preheat over to 375F (190C)

Line cookie sheets with aluminum foil or use a silicone baking mat. Scoop out about 1/4 cup size potion of dough, roll into a ball, place it on the sheet, and press it down with your fingers. Repeat five more times.

Bake for 10-12 minutes in preheated oven. The edges should be crispy looking and the top should be a golden color. Let cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes. DO NOT REMOVE THEM BEFORE THAT. They will fall apart. I promise. Once cooled, transfer to a wire wrack – I use a round pizza pan with holes in the bottom so…y’know…use what you have.

Store in ziplock bags or an airtight container. Ours were gone in 36 hours so I have no idea how long they last past that.

*1/2 cup of applesauce = 1 egg

** I used chocolate chips but you can use whatever you want. Live your best life.

*** I used half the dough and then stored the other half in the fridge, covered with plastic wrap, for two days. I have no idea if the dough will last longer than that but we’re all still alive over here so two days in the fridge seems okay. Make the right choice for you and your family.

Seriously, look at these babies. So good.

Okay, now for the personal stuff.

My mom is an excellent home cook. I had no idea until I was an adult that not everyone could cook because Mom made a point of having my siblings and me in the kitchen with her. It was important to her that we learned how to cook and bake. We didn’t have a lot of money so nearly everything was made from scratch. I remember that she had this big jar in the kitchen that was always filled with homemade cookies. Usually oatmeal or chocolate chip. They were soft and delicious and I have been chasing the joy of those cookies most of my adult life.

This recipe? It unlocked that joy. The cookies are chewy and have the perfect kiss of cinnamon. It snowed here in Brooklyn yesterday and the cookies went perfectly with a hot cup of coffee and a trashy romance novel.

This recipe also fits my family and our needs perfectly. My husband is a Hindu and he offers his food to Krishna before consuming it. Eggs aren’t an offerable food – and also I don’t like them – so we needed cookies that are egg free. These cookies also have a decently sized surface area, which is great because Haggis has been obsessed with sprinkles. We were able to add frosting – vanilla funfetti – to a cookie and then top it with the unicorn sprinkles that came with the frosting. That cookie was offered to our Ancestors. I’d show you what it looks like but it’s already been earthed (aka put in the trash).

I’m not saying that you have to make this recipe but I am saying that if you enjoy tasty cookies that feel like a hug from my amazing mother this is the recipe for you.

I’m also saying that these cookies are the perfect excuse to keep your asses inside. Because it’s cold and covid is still raging. Make these cookies. Get vaccinated. Wear a mask outside.

See y’all soon.

The Care and Feeding of Gods and ghosts

Edit Post

Every morning I wake up, brush my teeth, forget to drink some water, and exchange well wishes for the day with my friend Annie. We usually talk about our plans for the day; Annie often goes out into the world, and I stay in and do handicrafts like the old person I secretly am.

Today things took a bit of a turn. I still woke up, brushed my teeth, forgot my water, and said hello to Annie. But then things got Spoopy.

Y’all. Annie saw a ghost.

This prompted a conversation about how to deal with seeing ghosts and what we should do for them and other entities that we might encounter in our day-to-day lives. FYI, Annie says hello to them; while I opt, I tell them to stop being creepers and to have a cookie.

And now I am here, sipping iced coffee (still haven’t had that water) and writing about what I do when ghosts, gods, and toddlers abound, and someone has to feed them.

In my opinion, the best food for all three is Oreos. They’re vegan, tasty, widely available in the US where I live, and often stores have their brand version that is equally great at half the cost. You can also get Oreos in various flavors year-round if that is your thing.

But my opinion isn’t the only thing that counts when it comes to offerings. Especially when it comes to your practice. Offerings should be tailored to you and the entity you are dealing with. People can say all day long that Odin likes wine, but if you’re under twenty-one in the US, you aren’t going to be able to offer Old One Eye any kind of alcohol. That means thinking about what you can do within the limits of your life. Too young to buy wine? Looks like Odin gets grape juice. After all, wine is basically sharp grape juice right? I can honestly tell you that Odin has been given worse offerings.

When giving offerings to any gods, I recommend looking at what they are associated with – either via the Lore or community gnosis (aka community UPG) – and then sorting out what you can do from the confines of your life/current situation.

Remember too that water is always a suitable offering. Not just for the gods, but for your beloved dead, any ghosties running around your space, and for all living things.

Want to make an offering to your Uncle Frank, who just passed (I am talking about myself here)? Offer a glass of water. Want to honor your land wights? Water. The Goddess Eir? Water.

Given what we have learned about the US’s infrastructure in the past few years and the absolute refusal by our government to stop Line3, a clean glass of water isn’t a simple offering. It’s an increasingly rare and precious gift.

It’s also something you can earth – aka pouring out onto grass/into moving water – without causing damage to the environment. The same can’t be said for offerings of alcohol, other liquids, or food. Not that those things are bad offerings; they’re lovely offerings. Just make sure you dispose of them in other ways. Liquid offerings can be poured down the sink. It’s a liminal space that is perfect for disposing of liquids that can’t or shouldn’t be poured on the earth. The trash is a perfectly acceptable place to put food that has been offered. If you’d rather not use your kitchen trash, you can always take the offering directly to the cans that get emptied by your municipality’s sanitation workers. If you compost, you can drop it in there (make sure to follow local composting guidelines).

However you dispose of it, please remember that the offerings were given to the entity in question and now belong to them. Earthing the offering a bit after it was given (I wait 24 hours) is perfectly acceptable. Eating or drinking the offering after you gave it is not usually well-received. At least not in Heathenry. My husband is a Hindu, and we eat any food offered to Krishna, as per his faith and cultural traditions. We don’t do the same with offerings to our house spirits, ancestors, or the gods of my tradition. I admit that this is a bit confusing for Haggis, but he is still young, and I get a general feeling that the gods know that and behave accordingly.

If you have a system or deal worked out with your gods (ancestors, ghosts, etc.), and you are allowed to eat or drink the offerings after they are made, cool beans. I am not here to tell you that your practice is wrong. If you don’t have a system or deal worked out, though, my suggestion of keeping your hands off their offerings is a good place to start. Remember, you can always make yourself something to eat or drink as well. Sitting their offering on your table while you eat your meal or having tea/coffee/water at the altar while offering them their own mug or glass is absolutely acceptable. It will likely help you to build your relationship with the entity in question as well.

So remember: Oreos and Storeos are good. Clean water is better. Something that holds meaning to you is best.

If you can’t think of something to offer, or you are in a place where offerings of food and drinks aren’t an option, I highly recommend contacting your representatives in congress and senate, Secretary of the Interior Deb Haaland, and the White House about protecting our water from oil and tar sands pipelines. And then go drink a glass of clean water. 

Which is exactly what I am going to do now.

Loki isn’t the problem. YOU are the problem.

I understand the irony of this post given that I am a Heathen who is talking to you from the other side of a keyboard but:
Keyboard Lokeans are fucking annoying.

I am a Lokean. I have been for my entire life. Loki has a place where I am. He always has, and he always will. I used to think that the best way to make people accept Loki was to write ranting posts on Tumblr or on a blog or Facebook. I was ready to fight for Loki in online spaces and was bitter when people didn’t take me – or Loki – seriously.

I don’t remember who or what it was that led to the realization that Doing The Work meant meeting other Heathens in person. But that realization came, and I stopped writing rants on the internet and started attending events in person. I quietly and respectfully showed up and got involved. I followed the rules, made friends, and talked about my personal practice, which was and remains Loki worship heavy.

Do you know what happened? People slowly but steadily became more accepting of Loki’s worship at their events. They saw me, a kinda bland mom-friend who always has snacks and is willing to help out when needed, and realized that maybe, just maybe, these Loki Folk aren’t all that bad.

I wasn’t alone out there. There are plenty of Loki folk like me. Just regular people who pay their bills, love their families and honor Loki. And we’ve all been out here slowly and steadily carving out space for ourselves, Loki, and His folk.

I’m writing this post because someone decided to take issue with The Troth and the former Loki ban. I am a Troth member. My kindred is a Troth kindred, and two of my kinsman are Troth officials. They have been participating in the Loki blots I run the entire time I’ve known them. One of them was a bit Loki shy when we met, but he gives Loki His due and has never been anything but loving and respectful to Loki or me. Those two Troth officials in my kindred are my brothers by choice. They share my Wyrd and knew what they were getting into when we decided to form North River Kindred.

The Troth isn’t perfect. No organization is. But the difference between the members of the Troth and the person who wrote that opinion piece is this:

The Troth has rolled up its sleeves, and the members are doing the work. That writer? All they are doing is writing angry posts filled with misleading information.

North River Kindred has a private Loki blot this weekend – typically, it’s public, but there is still a pandemic outside – and I will sit with my kindred and honor Loki. We will speak His name over the horn and share jokes and stories in His name. There will be food and laughter, which is typical for most Heathen gatherings. There might also be tears because Loki is a cleansing fire that helps to reshape and reform us.

If you don’t have a group to honor Loki with but want to do something, I suggest cupcakes/donuts/cookies and coffee. Make an offering and say something like, “Thanks for the lessons you teach and the gifts you brought the gods.” If you don’t want anything from Loki, make that clear. He’s helpful, so you really need to stress that you don’t want anything. Be respectful and polite, though.

If you have kids and you want to make it a family offering, go get some bubbles and blow them together in Loki’s name. Loki loves kids, and an offering of play and bubbles is perfect for Him. Again, stress that you don’t want anything and say that the bubbles, play, and laughter are being done in His name as thanks for the lessons He teaches and the gifts He brought the gods.

If you don’t want to do anything for Loki, that is okay too. There is no rule saying you have to honor every god. I don’t do anything for most of the gods because I don’t have a desire to. And so far, that seems to be just fine with Them.

If you don’t want to honor Loki, don’t. If you want to honor Him, do that. Either way, I am asking that you do what so many Internet Lokeans can’t seem to do: be kind to people.

After all, Hospitality is a cornerstone of Heathenry. If you want to be included, you need to learn to be a good guest and a good host. The best way to do that is to get off your butt and interact with actual Heathens in real-time (either in person or via Zoom).

If you aren’t willing to do that and you aren’t ready to roll up your sleeves and Do The Work, you aren’t much more than that “Old Man Yells At Cloud” meme.

The Old Ways

I don’t know which one of you needs to hear this, but here we go:

You are not a Viking. 

I know you want to argue. I know that you are convinced that your 13% Scandinavian DNA makes you a Viking and thus the rightful heir to Heathenry and everything it entails. People in the US hate being told who we are and what we can and can’t do, so I get why it might be shocking or irritating to learn that you aren’t a Viking. 

But the facts are the facts, and as a lot of right-wing people like to point out, facts don’t care about your feelings.

Heathenry in the United States is thick with people who are convinced that if we could just return to The Old Ways, they’d be great warriors. That sagas would be written about their adventures, and that their names would be spoken with reverence. 

I promise that that isn’t what will happen. Returning to The Old Ways wouldn’t do anything more than kill a lot of folks. A good portion of the population doesn’t know how to cook or build a fire, not to mention make clothing, plant and maintain crops, or basic animal husbandry. Oh, and medical skills. Who is your medic? Where did they study? Do they also know how to make medicine out of local plants? 

Have you considered that The Old Ways includes not having vaccines for things like measles and polio? From April to September of 2019, there was a measles outbreak in New York state. Over a thousand cases were reported in that span, seven hundred of them right here in NYC. And that is with the majority of the population already having been vaccinated. 

Imagine how bad it was, way back in The Old Days, before widespread vaccinations were available. 

Also, and I really can’t stress this enough, “I wish it was like the old days” and “I wish we could go back to the old ways” are gross, coded statements. 

When you say them, the rest of us hear, “I don’t like that BIPoC, folks with disabilities, LGBTQ+ folks, and the fact that women have rights.” 

I’m white, and I know it hurts our collective feelings when we are called out for our bigoted rhetoric, but facts are facts. And the fact is that those statements are harmful. Another fact? Your fetishization of Vikings isn’t culture. It’s a kink that the rest of us didn’t sign up to participate in. 

If you want to play Viking for the weekend, I suggest you join the SCA. If you’d like to actually learn about Heathenry, please look into The Troth and/or pick up a copy of A Practical Heathen’s Guide to Asatru by Patricia Lafayllve.

It has been said that Heathenry is the religion with homework. That used to be true, back in the old days when we were few and far between. There are more of us now, and some truly wonderful people have helped build up an honest to gods Heathen culture. Heathenry isn’t about Vikings and The Old Ways. It’s about living our lives now. Building a better world for each other right now. Real actual Heathens have a whole planet to save, babies to raise, dinner to cook, paychecks to earn, and blots to attend. So we reserve our Viking Days for the Renaissance Faire or the SCA and live our day-to-day lives in ways that honor the gods and the community. 

I know it sucks to realize that we’re all ordinary people with “boring” lives, but Vikings were farmers. I bet they’d have loved being able to have supper with their kids regularly and to live past 35. I know I’m enjoying it. 

Watermelon Woes

I ordered groceries this morning and saw that watermelon was on sale. I couldn’t pass up the deal because it’s hotter than Hel’s front porch outside, and y’girl needs all the water she can get. 

What was supposed to be a mini watermelon turned out to be regular-sized. I only paid the sale price, so I’m not complaining about that at all. What I am complaining about, however, is my feral goblin child and his deep-seated need to throw things. Remember that time, just a few sentences ago, when I said that it’s hot outside? Because it is. Between the heat and the lack of a covid vaccine for kids under twelve, we are staying inside. If you’re wondering whether or not this is pleasing Haggis, please note that no, it is very much not pleasing him. 

I don’t blame him. He’s been cooped up for 18 months. 

Our usual walks have been put on hold because of the heat and poor air quality – I have asthma and anything above 40 causes an asthma attack. So this poor kid is full of toddler energy and has nowhere for it to go. 

Enter the watermelon. 

I will be honest here. I was a jackass and left it on the kitchen table. I have been dealing with kids in one way or another for 25 years. I knew better than to leave the watermelon on the table. But I did it anyway, and Haggis made sure I remembered why it was a mistake. 

While I was minding my own business and drinking my coffee, he decided to knock some packages of naan and the paper towels off the kitchen table. I turned in my chair, my iced coffee halfway to my mouth, and told him to knock it off. I expected him to be squatting beside the naan and preparing to throw it around a bit. I hoped he wasn’t unrolling the paper towels. 

What I saw was my son’s perfect little hands rolling the watermelon back and forth with a sparkle of something in his eye. I know now that it was mischief. Which makes sense given his age and, y’know, the whole Lokean thing I have going on. 

I am ashamed to admit I yelled at him to stop. My husband did as well. Our “no!” and “don’t you dare” were met with a slow-motion roll of the watermelon right off the table and onto the floor.

Fun fact: that watermelon was super ripe and juicy. I know because I saw the puddle it made on the floor in the three seconds it took for my husband to run into the kitchen and scoop it up. 

It was super annoying that Haggis broke open the watermelon, but it also got me to get off my rear and do something with it. 

This is why I now have a dozen watermelon ice pops, a tray of watermelon ice cubes, and a bowl of watermelon to snack on. I was also able to give Loki a pint of watermelon-strawberry juice and make an offering at our family altar to the land and house spirits as well as the ancestors and gods. Oh, and to make an impromptu offering of watermelon to Eir when a friend posted on Facebook that their family could use some blessings. 

If Haggis hadn’t rolled that watermelon off the table, it would still be sitting there, and, truth be told, at least half of it would have gone to waste. 

If you’re wondering what this has to do with anything, here is your answer:

It’s July. This month has been dedicated to Loki by his folk for nine years now. Some call it July for Loki. Others call it Lokabrenna. Personally, I dedicate both July and August to Loki because it’s easier than remembering when Sirius rises. Either way, this time is for Loki, and nothing is more Loki to me than a toddler throwing a watermelon on the floor so Loki can have some agua fresca. 

Before you get it twisted, no, I don’t actually think Loki inspired my three-year-old to toss the melon on the floor. I do, however, think that Loki was pleased with what came after. 

Happy July for Loki/Lokabrenna/Dog Days of Summer. 

Eat some watermelon and hug your babies.

New Moon Magic with Kids

A few weeks ago, my friend’s daughter yelled, “Next month, the blood moon rises! Are you ready?” through the house. Her daughter is eight and cooler than I have ever been or will ever be. As the family’s go-to witch, I made a point to text my friend all the things she and her kids could do for the full moon. I’m not saying that two feral eight-year-olds, their teenage siblings, and their mother started a moon cult in their back yard with directions from yours truly, but I’m also not not saying that.

The moon wants what the moon wants. And sometimes, what the moon wants is a magical cult of awesome in an Ohio backyard. Who are we to deny the moon anything? No one, that’s who.

I realized this morning that the moon is in its new moon phase and shot off a text to my friend asking if she wanted some tips. She said yes, and I figured that everything I sent her could be shared here as well.

The new moon is an excellent time for setting intentions, starting new projects or renewing your interest/goals for a current or old project, and cleansing – yourself, your space, and your tools. If you do any form of divination, this is a great time to pull a few cards or cast a few runes to see what you should focus on this lunar cycle.

This new moon is in Taurus, and that means this is also a great time to focus on long-term goals, home, comfort, and stability. All of which are things that make for happy and healthy kids.

Here are a few ideas of things you and your kids/family can do today/tonight to honor the new moon:

Cleaning/tidying your personal space. Clutter happens – I have ADHD and understand this on a soul level – but clutter often makes energy stagnant. Moving things around and tossing out anything that doesn’t belong is a good way to renew your space and allow the new moon’s energy to flow through it. If nothing else, making your bed can be a big help.

Cleansing yourself. If you have the ability/funds to do so, now is a great time to invest in a sugar scrub for your teens/tweens/kids (and yourself) to use in the shower or bath. You can also mix seasoning salt and hand soap and have your family use it to wash their hands and feet. I know seasoning salt sounds weird but trust me. It usually has turmeric (purification and moon work), paprika (magical booster and good for creativity), onion and garlic (both are good for protection, banishing, and healing), and black pepper (protection and banishing). If you don’t have seasoning salt or don’t like the idea of using it on your body, you can just use the hand soap. However you do it, tell the kids to focus on the soap removing not just dirt but also any energy they’ve picked up in their day-to-day life that they want to get rid of. Our hands and feet are in contact with the world more than any other part of our bodies, and that can sometimes weigh our energy down.

Cleansing your tools. This is a great time for kids/tweens/teens and adults to cleanse their cell phones, tablets, working spaces (desks/offices/cars), and any magical items they use. When it comes to magical items, please look up safe ways to cleanse what you use/have. When it comes to electronics, you can use smoke to cleanse them. I personally like to get a cinnamon stick and light the end on fire like you do a stick on incense. I pass the items through the smoke rising from the smoldering end of the cinnamon stick. Cinnamon is good for protection, healing, luck, increasing personal and spiritual power, and general prosperity. Our electronic devices are often windows into our lives as much as they are windows into the outside world. It’s important to make sure we are protecting those portals/windows the same way we protect/ward the doors and windows to our homes.

When it comes to cleaning your car, office, or desk, the same thing applies as cleaning your bedroom or house. Toss out trash, straighten up, and then walk through with your preferred smoke offering of choice. If you want to get super fancy, you can sprinkle the area with salt and cinnamon – or seasoning salt – and then vacuum or sweep it up.

Divination. There are tarot spreads all over Pinterest and Instagram for the new moon. You can get more specific and search for New Moon in Taurus spreads if you like. You can also wing it and pull a card or rune to focus on for the coming cycle. Honestly, that is what I usually do, and so far, it works. You also don’t have to do divination if you don’t want to or if you don’t like the idea of your kids dealing with divination tools.

If you want to do something less woo and more low-key, you can always have a family TV/movie/game night. If you want to have snacks, you can make popcorn (associated with luck, protection, abundance, and blessing, among other things, and makes a GREAT offering) or have some potato chips (potatoes are associated with moon magic, grounding, and stability).

Haggis asked for pizza, so we’re having that and fries for supper. It’s a treat and has magical properties, so it’s a win-win situation.

I’ll probably make popcorn with him later for a snack and an offering. We also plan to go for a walk tonight to get treats for Ian and Haggis, which means we will get outside and have some fresh air. That is also a great way to celebrate this moon phase. When we are out, I will show him that the moon is “hiding” and talk to him (at his level of understanding) about what that means.

If nothing else, the new moon is a great time to start a conversation with your kids. Ask them about themselves. What are they interested in right now? What songs do they like? Who are they friendly with at school? What do they want to do this weekend or this summer? How can you be more of service to them? What sort of family activities would they like to do?

The new moon is about new beginnings. This is your chance to create something with your children that will hopefully be a good memory and become a building block for their adulthood.

I know that sounds like a massive thing. That’s because it is. It’s also simple, and I believe in your and your kids. Y’all have this on lock. So get out there and do the damn thing.

Blessed Be!

This IS who we are.

I’ve been trying to find my words regarding what happened in Washington DC on January 6th. I sat back and let the comments and opinions of Heathen folks on social media wash over me. Today I have words—several of them.

First, I want to state for the record that Jacob Chansley – aka Jake Angeli, aka QAnon Shaman – does represent a faction of modern Heathenry in the United States. I don’t want to say that because he’s anathema. But facts are facts, and the reality is that there is a racism problem within US Heathenry, and there has been from the very beginning. I know that people don’t like to hear that. The idea of racist Heathens at our events or in our communities makes us all uncomfortable. Because if we admit they are here, we must acknowledge that people we know and care about are problematic. 

It’s a hard and painful thing to admit, but it is also necessary.

In the past three days, I have seen posts across multiple social media platforms stating that Chansley/Angeli isn’t “one of us.” Claiming that he doesn’t represent Asatru/Heathenry/Norse Paganism and that his actions aren’t a reflection of our communities. 

Real talk? That is tone-deaf, naive, and not a little stupid. 

In the eyes of the public, that buffalo pelt clad idiot represents our communities. His torso had our sacred symbols on full display. He committed acts of treason and terrorism, and he did what so many armchair Vikings on the internet want to do. He led his people into battle. He is famous. The world knows his name and sees his tattoos/body paint, and they understand that he is one of us. 

What we need to do now is own the problem of racism that plagues our faith and culture. We need to accept that this problem is something that we have let grow because we chose not to address the elephant in the room. It’s all well and good to buy shirts that say shit like “this hammer smashes fascists” and “fuck the nazis,” but that is, at best, armchair activism. It’s lip service. It’s easy. 

What isn’t easy is sitting your friend down who makes racist jokes and explaining to them that their jokes aren’t funny. Nor is it easy to call out our kinfolk who proudly display the Confederate flag even though it has been used to terrorize black people for the past 165 years. 

It’s not easy to tell people that being friendly with members of the AFA is a passive show that they support the AFA’s message. 

It’s not easy to plant your feet and say, “your support of Donald Trump made it clear to me that you don’t respect my humanity because he has made it clear that he doesn’t.” 

What is right isn’t always what is easy. 

Heathens say that we are our deeds, and the reality here is this:

We have looked away from the uncomfortable behaviors of people in our community. That is who we are because that is what we have done. 

Every single time we allowed problematic behavior, regardless of how minor, we made it clear that that behavior was acceptable to us. We allowed that behavior, and it grew into the cancer of racism and bigotry in modern US Heathenry. 

Jacob Chansley/Jake Angeli is one of us because we allowed him to be. He is our problem, and we need to address it. 

One more thing before I go: Don’t ask BIPoC how we can fix this issue. It’s not their job to fix our fuck ups. White people have been taught to expect black people to pop in like fairy godparents and fix our problems. 

News flash: that isn’t going to happen. I told you what to do already. Confront the bullshit you see in your communities, and don’t rest until the people pulling that shit work on themselves. If they don’t stop their nonsense, kick them to the curb and spread the word that they aren’t welcome in Heathen spaces. 

Nip that shit in the bud. Because if we don’t, this won’t stop happening. 

Tomato and Sweet Onion Strudel

I had some puff pastry in the freezer, so I decided to try my hand at a savory strudel for First Harvest. Here is the recipe because, as you know, I think it’s a dick move to make people wait till the end for recipes.

1 puff pastry – thawed
1 medium tomato
1 sweet onion – Walla Walla are superior to Vidalia in every way, but either will work.
1/4 cup mayo
1/2 sour cream
1 cup shredded Italian cheese mix
1/2 tbsp poultry seasoning
1/2 tbsp dried basil

Preheat oven at 400f
Slice the tomato and onion into rings.
Mix together mayo, sour cream, cheese, and seasonings.
Spread 1/3 cheese mixture on the middle section of the puff pastry.
Add even layer of tomatoes.
Now add an even layer of onion.
Dollop 1/3 cheese mixture over onions and tomatoes.
Repeat the tomato/onion/cheese process.

Cut horizontal slices into the left and right sides of the puff pastry. Make sure not to remove them from or cut into the middle section. “Braid” the slices over the tomato/onion/cheese mixture.

Cook for 40 minutes.

Eat hot or let cool to room temperature and eat it that way. It’s tasty either way.

I will say that the onion was a bit crunchy for my liking, so next time I make it, I will grill them first. You do what works for you, though.

Alright, now that that is out of the way, lemme talk about myself for a bit.

The joy that comes with summer has always evaded me. I am a person who genuinely adores the rain and cold. Snow makes my soul soar. Rain makes me thrust open the windows and take deep, cleansing breaths.

But somehow, despite how elusive summer love has always been for me, I enjoy August. I think it’s because August 1st starts the countdown to fall. And, risk of sounding basic be damned, I fucking love fall.

I don’t want to talk about fall, though. Because today is August 1st and to get to fall, we have to honor the First Harvest.

Lammas. Lammastide. Lughnasadh. Loaf Mass Freyfaxi. First Harvest.

It doesn’t matter what you call it because, across the board, this celebration is about bounty and abundance. Often people focus on bread making and wheat-related things. I used puff pastry, a form of bread, in my meal tonight. It works for my family because we can all eat bread/wheat without discomfort.

But for a lot of people, that isn’t the case. Here are a few ideas of what you can do for First Harvest treats that will, hopefully, be kind to your stomach.

Have blackberries! They’re in season, and depending on where you live, they might be all over in your area, and you can go out and pick/harvest them fresh! I loved picking wild blackberries as a kid. We had a massive bush in our neighborhood, and my mom used to use the berries we harvested to make jams and pie.

If you can’t do wheat pie might be out, but hoo boy, you can still make that jam!

When my mom visited last year, we went to the store and got a few bags of frozen blackberries and made jam that I used all winter long. It felt good to open my pantry and use something I made with my mom and Haggis. I still feel pride at a job well done when I look back at the pictures from that day. Actually, when I am done with this post, I am going to check and see if I have any more of the jam we made left because it would be really nice to have for breakfast tomorrow.

If you don’t like or have blackberries, you can use any berry in season right now. Blueberries are great this time of year as well! A lemon blueberry jam would be the bee’s knees. Or blueberry syrup for over ice cream or cheesecake? Yes, please.

Cherries would work too!

Or watermelon. Never forget watermelon. Eat it as is or look up some recipes for watermelon salad.

You can also focus on savory foods! A salad of tomatoes, thinly sliced red onion, chickpeas, and pesto would be great! Toss in some mozzarella if you want to get extra fancy!

Corn on the cob is always fun. Kids love making homemade popcorn, and you can make it salty or sweet. Heck, make popcorn as a family, and have a movie night. Have it as a snack while outside watching for lightning bugs!

You can also do none of these things and stick to foods you like because the focus of First Harvest isn’t bread. It’s us.

Yes, we should take this time to be grateful for our blessings. We should absolutely thank the earth, gods, ancestors, and home spirits for our abundance. But we should also reflect on where we were last year at this time. Or six months ago. Or yesterday.

What have you been manifesting in your life that you are harvesting right now? What have you been busting your ass for? What have you been doing that is making differences in your life right now?

Also, a quick side note for all of you who rolled your eyes when I used the word manifesting:

I get that it’s hip and trendy right now to talk about manifestation. I know that there are spiritualists out here trying to sell a low input version of manifestation to the same people who buy cleansing kits at Urban Outfitters.

That is not what I am pushing here. When I asked what you have been manifesting, I meant the good, the bad, and the ugly. Everything you do has consequences. Even if all you do is opt for blackberries or tomatoes over bread.

Blessed and fruitful First Harvest to you and yours!

No Frith With Bullies

Yesterday in one of the regional Heathen groups I am part of on Facebook, someone asked if anyone could recommend a more conservative Heathen group/kindred/space for ritual. Because all the groups they’d met thus far are too liberal. Too leftist. Too anti-Trump.

If you don’t know, Heathenry is one of the more conservative branches of paganism. Racism and bigotry have a significant role in the personal practices of a decent portion of the Heathen population of the United States. So that person’s comments about too liberal and too leftist people being hard to share a horn with hit the some of the folks in the group pretty hard. Lazily phrased or not, a dog whistle is still a dog whistle.

The person also made it clear that they’re unwilling to let go of the swastika just because some “mad man in Germany used it.”

Before you tell me that some Eastern European groups are trying to reclaim it, I need you to know that I don’t care. I live in Brooklyn, where one in four people is Jewish. My neighborhood is distinctly Jewish. The building next to mine is a yeshiva. There are five synagogues within walking distance from my home. My polling place is a Jewish Community Center.

The thought of the fear and anger that my neighbors would feel at the sight of that awful symbol on display is heartbreaking.

I don’t know most of the people in my building, let alone the people in my neighborhood. But I will absolutely stand between them and anyone who would do them harm. Not because the Havamal says to but because my mother raised me to stand up to bullies.

And that person in the Facebook group was a bully. A bully who proudly stated that they voted for Trump.

The regional Facebook group has just over 700 members, and I have stood in ritual space with at least 200 of them. I have shared meals with them and played with their kids. I have purchased their art and listened to their stories and songs around a fire. I have witnessed their tears and laughter. I have shared my wyrd with them. Some of them I barely know, but others are My People, my family.

So when I saw this person who I had never met post in the regional group for our community that they had voted for the man who hates a HUGE portion of our community and would do it again…well. I was taken aback.

My greater regional community is more conservative than they are liberal, and at times that frustrates me. I know that a lot of them likely voted for Trump. Some of them might do it again. But I hope that when they step into their polling places in November, they remember what I said to that person who didn’t want to share a horn with leftists and anti-Trumpers even as they demanded our hospitality:

There are disabled people in this community. There are LGBTQ+ people in this community. There are BIPoC in this community. There are people of Jewish backgrounds in this community. There are neurodivergent people in this community.

Like it or not the political is personal for most of the people in this community. Wyrd means something to a lot of us too.

A Gift For A Gift

Last night as we were settling down to sleep, Haggis was snuggled up between Ian and me, gripping a rubber clown nose that used to belong to Loki. Haggis, like plenty of toddlers before him, is mildly obsessed with balls. He saw the nose on Loki’s altar and decided, in his toddler way, that the nose was a ball and that it needed to be his. Because I am always a Heathen, I informed Haggis that if he wanted the “ball” he had to offer Loki something in exchange. A gift for a gift, right?

So Loki got a fancy cookie, Haggis got the “ball,” and I got to teach my little human a lesson.

I’m bringing this up because last night I talked to Lokian L about Loki and life, and the nonsense that one brings to the other on any given day. And in our chat, I remembered the interesting gift exchange that Loki and I have going.

Y’see, I have a favorite flavor of chips. And they aren’t easy to come by in the neighborhood I live in. Ordering them online is ridiculous both in terms of price and quantity. A treat is only a treat if you get it sparingly.

Anyway, last year around this time was in the local 7-11 with Ian and Haggis, and I saw flame-shaped gummies. Obviously, I thought of Loki. At the time, Loki’s offering bowl was overflowing with candy. So much so that I wanted to pass up the candy, but Ian insisted we get it because “Loki will love them.”

So I grabbed the flame gummies and went to get in line to checkout. As we queued up, Ian asked me to go grab another bag of chips because, y’know, snacks. So I did.

Y’all. I need to stress that I had already been in this aisle. I had already looked at every shelf in the hopes of finding the ketchup chips that Haggis loves. (Hint: I didn’t find them.) So when I tell you that I turned the corner in the empty 7-11 and my eyes landed on a bag of Utz Caroline BBQ chips – my FAVORITE chips – well…you know I hadn’t missed them the first time around.

I grabbed the bag of chips – which was beaten to hell by the way – and the other bag Ian wanted and got back in line.

Ian asked about my chips, but we both kinda shrugged because “maybe we missed them before.”

And that would have been that except it kept happening.

I need y’all to understand that the fountain drinks and Slurpee machines share the same aisle as the chips. So when the three of us schlep down to 7-11 for a Slurpee, we also see the chips. We check for things we like – because snacks – and those freakin’ Utz Carolina BBQ chips are never there when we do our first walkthrough.

They are there, however, after I grab a bag of candy for Loki. I know you think I’m full of shit. Hell, I would think I was full of shit if Ian hadn’t witnessed it too.

The Utz Carolina BBQ chips only appear after Loki gets candy. And the bag ALWAYS looks like it has been through some shit. On top of that, I never get a second bag if I haven’t already eaten the first bag yet. And there is never more than one bag at 7-11.

Listen. I know this sounds crazy. I know it does. But I also know that I don’t let Loki help me with anything because I have a toddler, and Haggis is already more nonsense than I can handle most days. I make offerings to Himself and thank him for my wonderful family and friends. I thank him for sending Lokian L into my life and for the awesome people I have met through my work for Him. But that is it.

And then he started throwing bags of chips at me.

I swear that I am not making this up. I also swear that I am half convinced Loki is stealing the chips from somewhere because the bags look like they have seen better days. The chips are always fresh, though, so I’m not complaining.

I guess all of this was my long-winded way of saying that I still don’t think Loki will take your car keys, but I am willing to admit he might commit petty theft in your name.